Dear director:
I am Diana Jones and I am interested in sending you some ideas for the new television program you are looking for, as the advertisement on TV shows.
I am a teenager’s mother. My son, Tom, is fourteen years old, so I know how difficult it is for adolescents to get engaged with the different subjects at school. Having this in mind, my idea is that you make a TV show in which the different topics that students study at school, could be taught in a TV series characterized by famous people. The plot could be about a group of teenagers, which are friends, who go to the same school and every time they need extra help in their homework, they look for it in relatives. Each relative provides the specific help students need according to the field he or she is specialized on. Imagine Lionel Messi as a regular football player teaching his causing and his friends how muscles work.
I hope you like my idea. Teaching through television will engage adolescents in their studies and it will increase their interests on different school topics.
Yours Faithfully,
Diana Jones
11 comments:
Firstly, I would recommend you to increase the degree of formality. Senteces such as "I hope you like my idea" are a bit informal for a business letter.
Secondly, You can try to make the letter less personal. I don't think the producers will be interested in your personal situation.
And finally, you can use modal verbs that show more confidence as regards certainty like "will" instead of "could". You want to sell a product!
I like the proposal of the group, you do have a point when you say it is difficult for adolescents to get engaged with their school subjects and, having their favourite singer or football player helping them will be really appealing for them. I would also try to sound a bit more formal, but the fact that you are writing as a mother whose concerns are based on her son's difficulties, it is impossible not to sound personal.
hi girls!!
I liked the idea of a mom making a suggestion for a tv show. I think that it sholud have been more formal but the advise was very good!
congrats girls!
laura dambolena
I think that the idea of a teenager’s mother making a suggestion for a tv show for young adults is a good idea because she really knows how young adults behave. For that reason she should have shown herself more secure when she is explaining what the show is, for example when she says: “The plot could be”, in my personal opinion, through this sentence she is allowing someone else to take part on her show.
Apart from that, she proposes “to imagine” Liones Messi, is he going to be part of the show? I think that it is not ok to mention to someone like him without being sure.
I hope you don’t mind my commetaries, I do like the idea, but you must know that you are “selling” tv show, if the producer does not like it, he is the one who is going to loose your show.
Giselle
We would like to clear up that ours is an informal proposal. You know that proposal are formal or informal. In this case, Diana is a mother and her aim is to inform the Director about her idea for a useful program.
As regards Lionel Messi, she took his name as an example. If he is not available, we can try to contact Facundo Arana who is very cooperative or Martin Palermo who is cheaper than Messi.
Thank you for your comments !!!
Renée & Patricia
Patricia, I understand your point of view but, in my opinion, although she is simply a mother writing a letter, you ought to take into consideration that she is sending it to a "big producer" so the letter, I think, should be more formal.
Anyway, I like the idea of calling Facundo Arana!
hi patricia and rene. yes!!! let's call facundo arana!! jajaja!!
I understood your point about formality and informality but I think, without any authority in the matter, that, although the letter was writtn by a mother and that it could be a formal or informal letter, in this case the letter should have beein a little more formal. anyway I liked the idea of the show and the addition of a mother idea.
laura dambolena
My vote goes to Facundito Arana too!! LOL!
Hi girls!!
I think your proposal is very good and interesting since you have taken into account a problem that is real. It is difficult for teenagers to get engaged with the different subjects at school and the idea of presenting a show to help them is great. As regards the format,i agree with Ivanna´s ideas! it should be more formal because you are sending it to an important producer.
I think your proposal is really ingenious!!
Anyway, there are some things that I'd like to point out:
-No matter how famous, gorgeous or gifted people you call for the show, teens will get bored the minute they realize it's about learning. In my opinion extra care will be needed when writing the script.
-It's good to be a mother with ideas, but be careful with some horrible spelling mistakes!!! Does the word "causing" stands for cousin? It made the reading more difficult to follow!!!!
Go ahead with your creative ideas!!!
People,
Although you say it is a mother who writes the letter, we are talking about selling a product so formality is an important matter since there are many things involved and TV is a business after all. Maybe it is no necessary to give names of famous people in the proposal because that can be discussed once the show has been accepted by the network so you don’t create false expectations. I suggest an improvement in the use of modality in order to sound more certain about you are going to talk about because, as I said before, you are selling a product. Is it going to be a different story every episode? Is it going to be 1 episode per week? Apart from this, include humour in the stories would be catching for teenagers. The idea is good but be careful when writing the script since adolescents don’t like to be taught preachy lessons.
Cristian Matas.
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